Divorce is hard and complicated. There’s no denying that. It may take a toll on everyone’s life, even on us – the adults who are supposed to have an established confidence and set of values. Raising a daughter with high self esteem after a divorce can be hard, but it can be done.
We can only imagine how hard a divorce can be for a child or a teenager who is only beginning to get their sea legs in life. Especially for young women, who are under constant pressure to act, think, and look a certain way. How to make sure they are self-assured, confident, and have a resilient self-image? “It takes a village to raise a child”, but it takes a whole country to raise a daughter with high self-esteem. Especially after such an emotionally confusing time like a divorce, when the entire family learns new means of communicating.
What Is Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem is, in short, a subjective evaluation of the child’s own worth. It consists of two aspects: how they see themselves and how they think others perceive them. It is vital, as it affects how they interact with others. Will your daughter be an attention seeker? Or maybe a charismatic leader? It all depends on their view of themselves.
What Affects a Young Girl’s Self-Worth?
A study says that girls as young as seven are faced with extreme pressure to be “perfect”. The media sets impossible beauty standards for our kids long before they should be concerned about their looks. It later affects their perception of femininity. Girls should feel valid for who they are, not for how they look. Lack of body confidence can prevent young girls from wearing certain clothes, speaking up in school, and even socializing with peers.
As https://www.survivedivorce.com/ states – the only good way to survive divorce is to arm yourself with good, solid information. And there is no denying that you, as a parent, are the biggest example for your kids. How do you interact with your partner post-divorce? What language do you use? Without a healthy family model, it may be hard for a young girl to shape relationships based on trust and kindness. Children learn by mimicking social interactions, so encourage your daughter with your own relations. You are the biggest authority to your child – use your power well.
Parent-Daughter Communication Is Key.
Every child may react differently to new circumstances. One can adjust to the separation quickly; another one will feel unsettled and need mental counseling. It is important to remember that a divorce is not only parents’ trouble. Don’t let your daughter feel alone with the anxiety of her whole life shifting to a brand new state.
What is crucial for every girl’s self-esteem is the father-daughter connection. After all, the father sets an example of how she will handle her future relations with men. What boundaries will she set? How confident will she be in them? That’s why it is so important to know the impact divorce has on one’s’ confidence.
A mothers’ impact is just as powerful. With them, young girls learn how to handle the social roles of a partner, working woman, aunt, wife, parent, and friend. How to care for themselves and their mental health. Your daughter will feel confused about all that society demands from her, so set a standard for her education and future career. It will show her what aspects of her life to prioritize.
Talk With Her.
During a divorce, some trust issues may arise between you. Your daughter may feel like she did something wrong. She may feel unwanted and redundant. How do I reconnect with my daughter? How do I reassure her of her importance? The answer is conversation.
Remember – she doesn’t need to know all the small details of your divorce. But let her know what’s happening, why, and most importantly: that everything will be OK.
Treat her questions seriously. Spend time answering them. Don’t say things like, “That’s a silly question!” even in a laughing manner. They can trigger low self-esteem. Some matters can seem obvious for you, but a child doesn’t know much about divorce. It may seem very scary and complicated.
Do not answer for your partner. When your daughter asks questions about your former partner, motivate her to ask them themselves. After the divorce, emotions are often heated. And it’s better not to influence your daughter’s bond with a former partner. By letting her make her own choice, you will boost her self worth.
Do not bad-mouth your ex in front of your daughter. How you react to divorce is a valuable lesson of how she can handle similar situations in the future. Try not to pass negative views of relationships to your daughter. It may be hard to overcome anger and sadness. But think about all the long term mental perspectives you are giving your child.
Work On A Routine
Routines are fundamental in day-to-day life. They make us feel secure and in control. With young girls, it is no different. Going back to normal life after a divorce can be quite a struggle. Routines will make your everyday battles much easier.
Separation is a big change. Try to insert small patterns in your days. By doing this, you will let your child know she has something certain. Something that won’t change. It may be a talk about your day before bed or a weekly hike. With that, even when your daughter’s reality changes, she still has anchors to hold on to. Is your routine a basketball practice? Perfect! You can validate her efforts by praising her. Say how proud you are about her development – her self-worth will thrive.
What’s more, identifying small routines teaches an important lesson – time management. They are also good habits. When your daughter gets older, things like washing her hands before meals, packing for school, or spending time with family will be automatic.
It’s Your Time
After a divorce, your daughter will need plenty of support. How you will guide her through this major change will have a key impact on her view of herself. Don’t let your child feel like divorce is happening because of their own imperfection. Make time for bonding, family time, and talks about emotions. And don’t forget that your ex is also your child’s parent. If you both act respectfully towards your girl’s needs, she will overcome the divorce in no time with high self-esteem and bright hopes for the future.