I have been a blogger since 2006, and have been a member of several online communities since before then. I participate in many forums, about many different topics, and have become online “friends” with a lot of folks from different parts of the country and the world. In many cases, I have met up with bloggers or forum members in the real world. Now, I have to admit, that most of the people I have met in real life so far have been full time RV’ers, people who like myself and my husband, live in RV’s and travel around the country. A lot of the time, if we didn’t have our online “friends” we wouldn’t “talk” to anyone other than our spouse for days at a time.
But what about when the online community you belong to includes young moms–people who have the lives of their children to think about before they venture out to meet you in person–that previously anonymous face in the forum? Do you go out and meet someone in public, that you only know online, when you have your children with you? Today I had arranged to meet one of my forum buddies, a young woman in Mississippi who is a member of the same bloggers club I belong to. In this club, we exchange information on how to make money with our blogs.
I have referred her to reps for review opportunities, and sent her information to agents who wish to purchase advertising on blogs. She has done the same thing for me, and in fact, she has helped me learn so much about how to monetize and get my blog information out there, that I wanted to meet her and take her to dinner. The problem was that her husband was out of town, and he did not feel comfortable having her meet a perfect stranger off the internet when she was alone with her two kids.
At first, I was crushed, and felt like crying. I felt like I had been accused of being an ax murderer, or something like it. Then I thought, “That guy just loves his family.” After all, all she can tell him about me is that I live in a travel trailer, and I travel around like a gypsy, with no set place to live. He probably thinks I am a nut–a lot of people who aren’t familiar with this lifestyle think that. And then I thought, just the fact that she acted upon her husband’s wishes, and told me she couldn’t meet me, told me quite a bit about this young woman’s character. It told me that she values her husband’s opinion, and that she chooses to act accordingly. That she cares about her family and her children. And that even though it meant having to tell me that she wouldn’t be able to meet me right now, that she still cares about our relationship, too.
I think we ARE a community, online as bloggers and forum members. It’s just a different kind of community. You can be the most honest, upstanding person in the world, or you can be that ax murderer and just SAY you’re honest and upstanding in order to meet your next victim. I get it. I understand that there is the fear out there. And that is something that has existed since online interaction began. I just wish it wasn’t so. I think I missed meeting a very nice person today. I told her: I’m not a baby stealer. They start out smelling good, but eventually they start to stink, and then they turn into teenagers, and I certainly want no part of that!
So, tell me: Have you met any of your online friends in person? If so, were they what you expected them to be? Would you have agreed to meet them if you had young children with you? Do you think we should all be afraid of reaching out and meeting in person?
Gaelyn says
I’m kind of mixed about this idea. Respect the husband, who probably doesn’t even know you in cyberspace. However, I guess we, as Park Rangers, meet so many “strangers” that it wouldn’t dawn on me to be so careful. The few bloggers I have met, I felt like I’d known already, so they weren’t really strangers anyway. Maybe next time.
Ranger Anna says
I’ve met several of my ‘virtual’ friends in person. I’ve also offered up advice as a ranger on one forum, and have met several visitors that way. I feel safe when I’m in my green and grays…..
Dawn Fine says
I feel a bit mixed by this as well. I suppose there could be a risk. I have met many bloggers as I have traveled around. Most times it is a bird outing and more than one blogger is involved..and I am usually with my husband. I do remember when a blogger friend was going to meet my husband and myself, at a campground…she was nervous at first, didn’t know if we were ax murderers or not..Ha.. I can understand the fear.
I have met amazing people via social networking, blogging…Maybe meeting at a coffeeshop or pubic place..would make someone feel more comfortable.
Dee says
This is a tough question. I’ve met people in real life that I originally met online and had no problem with it. As a matter of fact, that’s how I met my husband, through a website that my cousin and I were on. He grew up with her, she introduced us online and the rest is history. He even flew me from Chicago to Alabama to meet him. Having young children I don’t think would factor in a decision to meet someone in my home town, in a public place where I drove myself and had my own ride home. But I would NEVER take a young child to meet someone in a different state where I didn’t know my way around or have them pick me and the children up and drive us to where we were going.
I think if I felt that uncomfortable I might have invited a friend to go with and offer to pay for their meal.
Jen-Eighty MPH Mom says
I think I would be completely comfortable if it were a blogger that I spoke to online often.
I have met quite a few bloggers in real life, and they are mostly just as I expected them to be…like old friends, really.
Rachel says
I am going to out myself as the young woman you referred to. 🙂 I admit I was torn. On one hand, I feel like I do really know you. But I also understand the hesitation of my husband.
I appreciate more than anything the fact that you understood and it did not harm our relationship. If nothing else, I am confidant that it will make him feel more comfortable if a future meeting opportunity arises.
Anne says
I know I wouldn’t even think about it if it was a blogger I had corresponded with online and had interactions with over a long period in a community You do feel like you get to know people. My husband on the other hand would have exactly that reaction, so I understand it totally.
Linda says
I have met in person “MANY” of my on-line friends, but I have known most all of them for well over 30+ years. I really don’t have but a handful of people in my friends list on FaceBook that I don’t really “know”. I don’t think I’d have a problem meeting some of those few or not. They seem nice enough online, but then again, you’ve seen the emails with the cartoon characters portraying what they make themselves out to be and then what they really are…..I giggle when I see them, but you just never know. I once had someone tell me that all I had were “fake friends” on FaceBook, which is FAR from the truth. Each person in that list has crossed my path “physically” at some point in my 51 years on this Earth….with the exception of those few. So is it sufficient to say that we ALL can fall into the “fake friend” category in the “on-line” world? Life is about choices….we all have them, we all make them…..whether we choose to meet these on-line strangers in real life or have them remain as just “cyber” friends is a choice. I commend the Husband & Wife team who made a safe choice for their situation.
I don’t really blog or am a member of any forums so I can only use my experiences on FaceBook. I am a FaceBook junky and choose to use that medium to inform, be informed & entertained and uplift & promote positivity. Hello, My name is Linda and I am an addict 🙂
Fab Grandma says
So if they have already crossed your path, this blog post is irrelevant–you haven’t ventured out beyond your normal experience and met an otherwise “stranger”.
Susan Shepard says
We haven’t met any blogger friends yet but hoping to soon! (You & FabGrandpa, lol!).
We were to met up with a couple from the Columbus area but she suddenly stopped answering my emails or blog comments….can’t imagine what I did to offend her and guess I’ll never know.
There are several other couples we want to meet in person and have no reservations at all about having met them online.
Fab Grandma says
I hope to meet you soon, too. We are in the same general area, so maybe that will happen.
Virginia from That Bald Chick says
I met my husband online before I met him IRL. Of course, I didn’t have children then. Now, I am not sure. I mean, I want to meet many of the people that I chat with regularly online, but I wouldn’t do it if my husband asked me not to. I also wouldn’t do it if he were out of town.
Alison says
I met another blogger last week and her family. We went to her house and we just hung out and went to the park and had a great time.
I remember in college my room mate told me to stop meeting guys in person that I was talking to online cause I was going to wind up dead.
I met my husband online hahahah. And I’m not dead. Maybe I’m a rebel.
Bethany Larrabee says
I can’t wait to meet all my blogger friends in person. I actually did meet up with a guy that I had met online when I was like 19 or 20…in retrospect It probably wasn’t the safest thing to do. However I think we bloggers have such a strong community, almost like a family really. Plus all us bloggers are big mouths and we would totally blog about who we are meeting. Kind of makes a murderers job a little more difficult if everyone knows who they are already…KWIM?
I do think it’s really sweet of Rachel’s hubby to be so concerned though!
Linda says
Yes, I suppose you are right, but even people you have known or have crossed your path at some point can be strangers, especially if you haven’t seen them in years or just know them through an aquaintence….even family members, immediate or distant can be strangers.
Tom says
I’m the husband in question. I’ve spent a large portion of my life dealing with the worst kind of peopel this world can produce. Pick up a news paper and you can get a glimpse at what people are capable of. I will never allow my wife or my children to be put in an unsafe situation that can be avoided. It is a husbands God given duty to protect and provide for his family. I take that duty very seriously.
Meeting in a public place sounds like a great idea on the surface. How hard do you think it is to over power a woman incmubered with an infant and a 5 year old while they try to get into or out of a car? Or to snatch that 5 year old while he waits on Mom to put the baby in her seat? Thats a security concern we all live with daily if we have small children. That concern becomes much greater when you meet a stranger for the first time. A stranger that is aware of what you and your children look like, who may or may not have bad motivations for meeting you. I normal day to day life the odds of you being attacked at random are very low.
However when your picutre and thoose of your children are pasted on the net you enter a much larger community with many more nut jobs than the one you physically live in. It’s a simple matter to track someone on the net, join a site they frequesnt and present yourself as someone else, then over time gain thier trust. Set up a nice causal meeting for dinner, then crack them over the head with a brick int he parking lot.
If you honstly think you know the people you meet online keep in mind that anyone can sit there and make an effort to type rationally. The way people carry themselves and speak in real life is often very different than thier internet persona. Written word allows peole to convey thier best possible image. All they have to do is top and think before they hit send. So people that would otherwise seem completely irrational can come across as very calm sane people.
Lorie Shewbridge says
I have been really lucky to meet some of my bloggy friends in person at an event or someplace else while my husband was with me.
I think we are for the most part pretty good judges of characters after we have conversed with someone for several months or even a year online. Yes, we can make mistakes, which is why when we first meet them it should be in a public place and, in my opinion, never alone.
I commend all parties in this situation, the wife for taking her husbands advise and feelings into consideration and for you FabGrandma for being the fabulous one you are, by not taking offense and understanding where he was coming from.
Love and understanding all around – why can’t everyone be like that? It sure would be a better world!